Bipolar...

1311184674_QuestionsToAskYourDoctor_BreastCancer.pdf - Google Drive

This is important. If you have just been diagnosed with any type of cancer, at least some of these questions will apply.
1311184674_QuestionsToAskYourDoctor_BreastCancer.pdf - Google Drive

Liberals plan anti-Mormon lit drop at mega-churches wkend b4 election

Liberals plan anti-Mormon lit drop at mega-churches wkend b4 election:

'via Blog this'

Owning my survivorship

Okay, so I'm at the point where I think I need to "own my survivorship". I've never been one to call attention to myself but I have ordered a hoodie that states that I have survived breast cancer.  I don't want it to be an "in your face" announcement, but something unobnoxious, so here is my choice:

Something to make me smile when I see it....

Now on to another concern... Dr. Manning told me that my liver enzymes are running high and that could be an indication that the cancer has spread to my liver... He doesn't think so because my enzymes were high during chemo but he wants to be on the safe side and check, so on Oct 31st I will go in for a CT Scan and more blood work. Fingers crossed....

He Is Risen! - Thomas S. Monson - April 2010 General Conference - YouTube

I testify to everyone that Jesus is the Christ. He is my Savior. In Him I find strength.

He Is Risen! - Thomas S. Monson - April 2010 General Conference - YouTube:

'via Blog this'

The Big List - A Compact Kit

With the status of the United States and the world in general, I have been doing alot of thinking about being prepared for any type of disaster. Here is a compact list to help you survive for a couple of days if necessary. You should have this packed and ready to go at all times.
The Big List - A Compact Kit

Camp Wander: Designer Solar Jars with Removable Lid for Filling!

WHAT A GREAT IDEA... KIDS THAT NEED NIGHT LIGHTS, CAMPING, ETC
Camp Wander: Designer Solar Jars with Removable Lid for Filling!:

'via Blog this'

The new normal

Some things I'm finding out about myself… I have to be careful about not getting too tired. I can go through most normal days without any problems, but if I do to much, I get tired. Any driving of any distance wears me out. I also have no stamina. I can barely walk ¼ of a mile without being out of breath and being shaky. It’s something that I will have to work on building back up to. I’m not certain that my shoulder will ever be the same after the surgery. It is still painful and I still have to watch what I do and how much I lift with that side. My fingertips and feet still have some numbness from the chemo and that may never go away… But, I cannot complain. I am alive and able to see my grandkids. They were my reason for surviving. I will still have issues for a while and possibly deal with some things forever but that is okay. This is my new normal. I have been blessed with good friends and family and I have grown closer to my Heavenly Father through all of this. I am grateful…

I've decided that I need to have some goals, so here goes...

1. Get a system that will allow me to track my bills and payments.

2. Walk as much as I can even if I don't feel like it.

3. Read my scriptures.

4. Spend time with my Grandma. She's 94 and won't be here forever.

5. Fill in the gaps in my genealogy.

6. Learn my new camera and get comfortable with shooting in manual mode.

Here are a couple of moon shots that I took last week. I'm thinking they aren't half bad...

Updates with a promise

I can’t believe it has been three months since I posted…  I have finished all my treatments, had my final surgery (I hope), been to two family reunions, and moved. I have also returned to work full-time on my own shift-Graveyard.

I have found that I no longer require naps everyday (side effect of the radiation), but I do still need to be careful because, without a nap, I am exhausted at night. I will return to physical therapy on Wednesday to try to relieve the auxillary web syndrome. I hope that is what is making my arm ache as much as it is. My shoulder down to my elbow aches constantly some times worse than others. Hopefully that will get better with the therapy.

I guess the biggest thing on my mind lately has been the prognosis from Dr. Manning. He said that, while things look good for now, I have a greater risk of the cancer coming back either in my other breast (considering a second mastectomy to prevent that), bones, brain, liver, colon… I pray every day that this will not happen. My fear is not living to see my grandkids grow up into outstanding individuals who can change the world.

Speaking of grandkids, Kevin (7 years old) has moved to California with his mom, Holly. Jakobi (also 7) was here visiting for two months and just left last Saturday to go back home. She flew by herself for the first time. Thank you Southwest for taking care of her. I have never met Corvus (almost 2), but I love it when I call Sarah and hear him in the background saying “HI” or “Bye”. And then there is the new one… due November 18^th.

And now onto more family… I spoke with my brother, Bobby, for the first time in 42 years. I know. Long time. When my dad died in 1970 he was 3. That was the last time we saw him. I briefly had contact with him about 5 years ago but I am not a reliable letter writer (or blogger for that matter) and we lost contact again. It was great to talk to him. He is planning on getting married on his birthday on March 1^st, 2013. I want to be able to go out there for that. We’ll have to see…

One thing that did happen at family reunion… one of my cousin’s husband told me and another cousin that he had been diagnosed with prostate cancer within the last two weeks. As much as I dislike telling others about how to handle their personal lives, I was led into it by Georgann. I told him that he had to find his reason to survive and not to let it go. I also told him that, in the quiet moments in the middle of the night, when he feels the greatest despair is when he will find his relationship with Heavenly Father will grow the most.

I went camping for one whole night with my friend and old college roommate… It was fun! She had her grandkids there, along with her hubby and the kid’s parents. It was good to be out enjoying the creations of Heavenly Father and to feel some inner peace. I plan on doing that again soon even if I have to go alone.

Here’s my promise to myself… I will write on this blog at least once a week!

Trying to meet everyone's expectations

I started radiation 2 1/2 weeks ago... Right now, the only side effect is extreme exhaustion with a slight burning sensation all the time in my neck. 4 weeks left to go... and then back to a normal life if you can call it that.

My biggest issue is not the cancer or the treatments. It is the constant feelings of being used by my kids. I am the only one working and that is only part time. They seem to think that I have no right to be upset when I come home day after day and nothing is done at the house. Nothing has moved or been put away. Dirty dishes and garbage is piled all over. I get so frustrated and just go to my room because I am tired of asking for things to be done. Tonight I was informed that I am ungrateful for everything they do for me... as if that is much. I ask and ask for things to be done and days and weeks later it is still not done. I do what I can and sometimes more than I should including cutting down trees that I asked to have done and lawn mowed...

I know that I am not perfect and that there are things I need to improve on, but I don't believe I have unreasonable expectations. I don't believe that I should have to work and come home and have to  be the one to do the dishes, take out the trash, pick up the garbage off the floor and counters, etc. Is it so awful that I expect them to get up off their lazy rears and do something besides sit in front of the tv and play games?

I was informed tonight that not only am I ungrateful but that I was probably the worst mother in the world... Oh well, I did the best I could and that was all I could do.

Catching up...

<p>I haven't posted for a while and I really have no excuse except a lack of computer access. I have have chemo twice since I posted last with the usual side effects... Tired, leg aches, feet on fire, no sleep, and the the flu on top of it. Now I'm fighting with AFLAC to get my disability so I can pay some bills. They need to get their ducks in order!

The good part (if you can call it that) is only one chemo treatment left and then on to radiation... 5 days a week for 6 weeks in Twin Falls. I hear there will be about a month break in between chemo and the start of radiation. I guess with the two week recovery time from the chemo, changing doctors, having a mask made so they can bolt me down to the table, getting tatoo'd, and trying to see my dentist, I'll still be busy enough.

Last chemo will be on April 6th.

Side Effects

For the last 4 days, I haven't been able to hardly walk. The bottoms of my feet have become so sensitive that it feels like I am walking on pins. The mere thought of standing up probably makes my blood pressure shoot to the ceiling. It is better tonight, so I hope it is receding. I was told that my fingers may become very sensitive, but not the bottom of my feet...

On another note, my PET scan that was scheduled for yesterday was rescheduled for next Tuesday when the machine broke down with me in it... Had a feeling something was going to happen when I scheduled it. Oh well...

Day 4 of Chemo

Day 4 of Chemo... This is the halfway point of Chemo. The downhill side is coming up. They are planning on doing a PET scan before the next treatment to see where we stand. The Chemo that I have been getting is the "speedy bullet, kill everything" type and the new stuff that I will get the last four treatments is a slower acting, longer lasting medication. All this will be followed by radiation...

So losing all my hair was more traumatic than I thought or it was the tipping point that set of three days of emotional turmoil. I spent most of those days crying for some reason but I don't know why. Maybe the visible sign (lose of hair) made everything more real.

I am hearing stories all the time now...some full of sorrow and some full of hope. I cannot be anything but positive because I refuse to give in to this monster inside of me. I have every plan to come out of this better than I have been for a long time. It is the only way I can handle this. I am the stability for my grand kids and I am the one that feels the burden to teach them about the tender mercies of God.

Strong

Day 3 of Chemo

Day 3 of Chemo...almost half way...Sorry I haven't been around for a while. The last dose of chemo made me very exhausted and all I did was sleep for 5 days. I also have had problems with shortness of breath. Hopefully, this treatment will not be as hard on me. I am grateful for all my friends and all those who are remembering me in their prayers.

Been on an involuntary vacation...

After Day 2 of Chemo, I have not had the energy or the desire to even open the lid on my laptop...I have done nothing but sleep for 5 days and then had to take things very slowly after that. I am finally feeling better and feel like I can get up and do something without have to take a 30 minute break every 5 minutes.

Most of my hair has fallen out. What didn't fall out, I had cut off. There was hair everywhere and I got tired of trying to keep up with it.

My emotions have been all over the last couple of days. I find myself in tears at the slightest thing...Maybe it's frustration from not being able to do what I want/need to do. As much as I want to go back to work, I am afraid that I will not be able to. I am almost out of all my time and will not be getting my normal paycheck soon. That is a scary thought. Will have to see what I can do about that...