At the surgeon's office again today...Still no results on the lab tests from the surgery on Nov. 21st. They may not be in a hurry, but I am!! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING!
Anyhow, he did pull the drain tubes. I didn't realize that one was just below the collarbone towards my sternum, and the other one was at my shoulder joint. With one great sucking sound, he pulled them both out at once. For a few seconds there, I thought I might tell him to stop...lol.
I go back to see him on Thursday to make sure there is no fluid accumulating and maybe to have the stitches out (I hope). And they should have an appointment with the oncologist by then...
The one thing I am disappointed about is that my surgeon says I can't work from the last surgery until after the treatment. I need to work because I will run out of days if I don't. I will have to talk to him on Thursday and see if I can work for the next 2-3 weeks anyhow or I will be out of days just as I enter treatment.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
The Lord's Day
Today is Sunday. I feel very impressed to share my testimony so here goes...
I know that I am loved. I have no doubt that God loves me. He is my strength and my life. Because He loves me, He has sent others to help and guide me. I know that President Thomas S. Monson is a Prophet of God. He delivers God's messages today just as prophets of old did. He guides us so that we can return to our Father's presence if we will but follow. I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God. God is the same today, yesterday, and forever. He will not change how He delivers His messages for his people. I am so blessed to have friends who care about me and are willing to sacrifice to help me. I have faith that I am supposed to learn something from having cancer and I know that He will not abandon me.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
“I testify that with God, all things are possible. He is our Heavenly Father; His Son is our Redeemer. As we strive to learn His truths and then to live them, our lives and the lives of others will be abundantly blessed.”Thomas S. Monson, “Becoming Our Best Selves,” Ensign, April 2006
I know that I am loved. I have no doubt that God loves me. He is my strength and my life. Because He loves me, He has sent others to help and guide me. I know that President Thomas S. Monson is a Prophet of God. He delivers God's messages today just as prophets of old did. He guides us so that we can return to our Father's presence if we will but follow. I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God. God is the same today, yesterday, and forever. He will not change how He delivers His messages for his people. I am so blessed to have friends who care about me and are willing to sacrifice to help me. I have faith that I am supposed to learn something from having cancer and I know that He will not abandon me.
In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
“I testify that with God, all things are possible. He is our Heavenly Father; His Son is our Redeemer. As we strive to learn His truths and then to live them, our lives and the lives of others will be abundantly blessed.”Thomas S. Monson, “Becoming Our Best Selves,” Ensign, April 2006
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Lazy Day
I have done very little today. I went from my bed to the couch, back to bed, and back to the couch. I've had 5-6 20 minute naps. Pain level hasn't been too bad today. It only hurts when I try to get up for the most part.
Brandy called tonight and, as I was talking to her, I realized that I am desperate to know exactly what stage this cancer is and how widespread it is. I am going to fight this with everything I have, but I want to know exactly what I am fighting. I think it is only fair...as if this is fair anyhow.
I am so grateful that I have such wonderful friends and family. I have every reason to live!
Brandy called tonight and, as I was talking to her, I realized that I am desperate to know exactly what stage this cancer is and how widespread it is. I am going to fight this with everything I have, but I want to know exactly what I am fighting. I think it is only fair...as if this is fair anyhow.
I am so grateful that I have such wonderful friends and family. I have every reason to live!
I get the feeling...
I had a follow up appointment with my surgeon. He changed the dressing and warned me about lifting my arm up more that about 5-6 inches, which means that I can't go back to work yet. It's difficult to answer phones if I can't lift up my arm. Yes, I have two hands, but, in a job that requires 10 hands and ears, I think I would only hinder my co-workers.
Speaking of my co-workers, they are the most awesome people in the world. They care deeply about their jobs...it matters to them if they make a difference in someone's life. I am honored to work with them.
Anyhow, back to my doctor appointment...The whole purpose of the visit was for a dressing change. I had a couple of questions about which stage of cancer I have and how widespread it is...Needless to say, I didn't get my answers. In fact, I got the feeling that he was being a little evasive. His answers were logical, ie: waiting on pathology reports, waiting on PET scan, etc, but I am still having pain into my mid forearm and, when I asked about that, he said, after hesitating, that the lymph nodes under my arm are probably pushing on the some nerves and causing the pain....I just get the feeling that he knows more than he is sharing. I could be wrong, but I am worried.
It scares me that, as much as I want to fight this, maybe I have no chance at all. It breaks my heart to think that I will not be there for my grandkids or see the become young adults. They are all in situations where they will struggle and wonder about their hardships in life. They need to know that there is one place where they are loved beyond measure and that they are God's gift to me.
Speaking of my co-workers, they are the most awesome people in the world. They care deeply about their jobs...it matters to them if they make a difference in someone's life. I am honored to work with them.
Anyhow, back to my doctor appointment...The whole purpose of the visit was for a dressing change. I had a couple of questions about which stage of cancer I have and how widespread it is...Needless to say, I didn't get my answers. In fact, I got the feeling that he was being a little evasive. His answers were logical, ie: waiting on pathology reports, waiting on PET scan, etc, but I am still having pain into my mid forearm and, when I asked about that, he said, after hesitating, that the lymph nodes under my arm are probably pushing on the some nerves and causing the pain....I just get the feeling that he knows more than he is sharing. I could be wrong, but I am worried.
It scares me that, as much as I want to fight this, maybe I have no chance at all. It breaks my heart to think that I will not be there for my grandkids or see the become young adults. They are all in situations where they will struggle and wonder about their hardships in life. They need to know that there is one place where they are loved beyond measure and that they are God's gift to me.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
So much to be thankful for...
Thanksgiving 2011 - Spent the day with Jonas, Brandy, and Bryce. They are so awesome! I wasn't very good company, but it was nice knowing that it wasn't expected either. Had a great time, watched the Packers win, ate wonderful food, and got overly tired...Didn't mean to overdo it, but just got tired really fast. Maybe this is how it will be for the next little while. Had to come home and have a nap. I'm wondering about going back to work and how I will cope with that, at least for the next few weeks until treatment starts.
I go to the surgeon tomorrow just for a check up. Maybe he will be able to answer some lingering questions. From what I am reading, this is Stage IIIC which means it is in the lymph nodes above the collar bone. I would like to know how widespread it is in the lymph nodes and how long this has been going on. He may not be able to tell me and maybe I will have to wait for answers from the oncologist. I also need to go to the Cancer Resource Center at CRMC. I need to find out what help they can give me.
So many things to do that are unpleasant, but need to be done: Living Will, Funeral plan, Mortuary arrangements, cemetary, etc. Not that I think that these things will be needed soon, but I don't want my kids to have to deal with it.
I go to the surgeon tomorrow just for a check up. Maybe he will be able to answer some lingering questions. From what I am reading, this is Stage IIIC which means it is in the lymph nodes above the collar bone. I would like to know how widespread it is in the lymph nodes and how long this has been going on. He may not be able to tell me and maybe I will have to wait for answers from the oncologist. I also need to go to the Cancer Resource Center at CRMC. I need to find out what help they can give me.
So many things to do that are unpleasant, but need to be done: Living Will, Funeral plan, Mortuary arrangements, cemetary, etc. Not that I think that these things will be needed soon, but I don't want my kids to have to deal with it.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Long day...
Wow!! What a long day! I got up and helped my grandson with his homework and then went back to bed. I did some dishes and picked up the living room. The office brought over everything for Thanksgiving dinner, and mom came to visit. In between, I took a 3 hour nap and am in bed already tonight.
I seem to ache more today than I have, but my muscles are more sore today. All down my back on the left side and across my upper chest on both sides is very sore. I think it is probably because I am not used to laying in bed so much.
Emotionally, I think I am doing okay...I had a moment last night that included a few tears, but I am okay. There is no thought of giving up on this! I plan on fighting my way through this, and I strongly believe, more now than ever, that God is my best friend and ally in all of this. He has sent earthly angels to give my strength during the hard times, and for that I am grateful. I know that I am never alone. To my nurses at the hospital, thank you! You were/are wonderful! To my friends and coworkers, thank you for understanding and listening. To my family, I love you! I know this is as hard for you as it is for my, but have faith that it will all work out.
I seem to ache more today than I have, but my muscles are more sore today. All down my back on the left side and across my upper chest on both sides is very sore. I think it is probably because I am not used to laying in bed so much.
Emotionally, I think I am doing okay...I had a moment last night that included a few tears, but I am okay. There is no thought of giving up on this! I plan on fighting my way through this, and I strongly believe, more now than ever, that God is my best friend and ally in all of this. He has sent earthly angels to give my strength during the hard times, and for that I am grateful. I know that I am never alone. To my nurses at the hospital, thank you! You were/are wonderful! To my friends and coworkers, thank you for understanding and listening. To my family, I love you! I know this is as hard for you as it is for my, but have faith that it will all work out.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Home and exhausted
I am home from the hospital and exhausted. The surgery was about what was expected. The doctor did the mastectomy and axillary disection, which means that he took out all the lymph nodes under my arm. He also said that the cancer is up above the axillary vein (the vein that goes down your arm). He did not try to take those out because he said it would cause tremendous pain and swelling and the treatment would not be changed.
One of the biggest challenges that I am already facing is my 6 year old grandson. I've been home for 30 minutes and he is ignoring me and won't go to bed. I cannot fight with him over it. I told him I was going to bed and the he could do whatever he wants to do. His mom is at taekwondo and then has to work tonight.
Anyhow, I am falling asleep writing this so I'll say goodnight and write more tomorrow.
One of the biggest challenges that I am already facing is my 6 year old grandson. I've been home for 30 minutes and he is ignoring me and won't go to bed. I cannot fight with him over it. I told him I was going to bed and the he could do whatever he wants to do. His mom is at taekwondo and then has to work tonight.
Anyhow, I am falling asleep writing this so I'll say goodnight and write more tomorrow.
Monday, November 21, 2011
How my life has changed in the past 2 1/2 weeks
I have never been one to worry too much about my health. I've been in average health...well with the normal problems...a little overweight (okay, more than a little, but who really wants to admit that), stressed, high cholesterol, and pre-diabetic. About 2 1/2 weeks ago, I discovered a lump in my breast.
I immediately made an appointment with my new medical doctor (yup, didn't have one before this...reread the 1st sentence for explanation), who sent me for a mammogram (55 years old and had never had one but that is for another post), who sent me to see a surgeon. The surgeon wanted to do surgery in about 10-12 days. I just wanted this over with and opted for an opening in 4 days. On November 7th, I went in and the surgeon removed the lump. Turned out it was fairly large - 1 1/2 inches by 1 1/4 inches approximately, and it was cancer. Well, as if that wasn't enough, it appears that the cancer is, in all probability in the lymph nodes.
That brings us to today. At 6:45 this morning, I will check into the hospital for a mastectomy and, most likely, lymph node removal. Having never had major surgery of any kind, this is a new experience. Am I scared? Not really. Am I nervous? A little. I will have to be intubated and that worries me a little. Am I worried about the loss of a breast? No! I have always found both of them to be something of an annoyance especially for any honest to goodness tomboy.
My oldest daughter's first question was concerning reconstruction. I guess that shows the difference in our priorities and age. I am not concerned about that at this point, and may never be, but for her, it is all important. Nothing wrong with that, but my concern is just getting through the surgery for now.
What does the future hold? Sounds like radiation and chemo starting in about 3-4 weeks. I'm sure that I will have to meet with an oncologist before that and have further tests done.
At this point, so much is already known and I am still trying to absorb it all, but there is still so much that is unknown and so many unanswered questions. All that I do know is that I plan on being here in 10 years when my grandson has to learn how to shave and my granddaughter goes on her first date. I also have a grandson that I have never met (family complications to be explained in another post maybe). I plan on being there when they graduate from high school and college, and when they get married, and when they have their own kids. In other words, I plan on being around to make a difference in their lives because they have made such a difference in mine.
I can't close this without telling my kids how much I love them. I know that we don't always look at things from the same viewpoint and that causes some disagreements, but I love you and want only the best for you. To my grandkids, Jakobi, Kevin, and Corvus, you are my world. You bring sunshine into my life and I am determined to be here to discover God's magic with you for many years to come.
To my friends, thank you...I am so grateful for your continuing love and support. I could not go through this without you.
To my Heavenly Father...I understand that this life is a test and that there is something that I (and maybe others) need to learn from this. Please help me to remember to always seek your purpose for this. You are my best friend and I trust You.
I immediately made an appointment with my new medical doctor (yup, didn't have one before this...reread the 1st sentence for explanation), who sent me for a mammogram (55 years old and had never had one but that is for another post), who sent me to see a surgeon. The surgeon wanted to do surgery in about 10-12 days. I just wanted this over with and opted for an opening in 4 days. On November 7th, I went in and the surgeon removed the lump. Turned out it was fairly large - 1 1/2 inches by 1 1/4 inches approximately, and it was cancer. Well, as if that wasn't enough, it appears that the cancer is, in all probability in the lymph nodes.
That brings us to today. At 6:45 this morning, I will check into the hospital for a mastectomy and, most likely, lymph node removal. Having never had major surgery of any kind, this is a new experience. Am I scared? Not really. Am I nervous? A little. I will have to be intubated and that worries me a little. Am I worried about the loss of a breast? No! I have always found both of them to be something of an annoyance especially for any honest to goodness tomboy.
My oldest daughter's first question was concerning reconstruction. I guess that shows the difference in our priorities and age. I am not concerned about that at this point, and may never be, but for her, it is all important. Nothing wrong with that, but my concern is just getting through the surgery for now.
What does the future hold? Sounds like radiation and chemo starting in about 3-4 weeks. I'm sure that I will have to meet with an oncologist before that and have further tests done.
At this point, so much is already known and I am still trying to absorb it all, but there is still so much that is unknown and so many unanswered questions. All that I do know is that I plan on being here in 10 years when my grandson has to learn how to shave and my granddaughter goes on her first date. I also have a grandson that I have never met (family complications to be explained in another post maybe). I plan on being there when they graduate from high school and college, and when they get married, and when they have their own kids. In other words, I plan on being around to make a difference in their lives because they have made such a difference in mine.
I can't close this without telling my kids how much I love them. I know that we don't always look at things from the same viewpoint and that causes some disagreements, but I love you and want only the best for you. To my grandkids, Jakobi, Kevin, and Corvus, you are my world. You bring sunshine into my life and I am determined to be here to discover God's magic with you for many years to come.
To my friends, thank you...I am so grateful for your continuing love and support. I could not go through this without you.
To my Heavenly Father...I understand that this life is a test and that there is something that I (and maybe others) need to learn from this. Please help me to remember to always seek your purpose for this. You are my best friend and I trust You.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)