I have never been one to worry too much about my health. I've been in average health...well with the normal problems...a little overweight (okay, more than a little, but who really wants to admit that), stressed, high cholesterol, and pre-diabetic. About 2 1/2 weeks ago, I discovered a lump in my breast.
I immediately made an appointment with my new medical doctor (yup, didn't have one before this...reread the 1st sentence for explanation), who sent me for a mammogram (55 years old and had never had one but that is for another post), who sent me to see a surgeon. The surgeon wanted to do surgery in about 10-12 days. I just wanted this over with and opted for an opening in 4 days. On November 7th, I went in and the surgeon removed the lump. Turned out it was fairly large - 1 1/2 inches by 1 1/4 inches approximately, and it was cancer. Well, as if that wasn't enough, it appears that the cancer is, in all probability in the lymph nodes.
That brings us to today. At 6:45 this morning, I will check into the hospital for a mastectomy and, most likely, lymph node removal. Having never had major surgery of any kind, this is a new experience. Am I scared? Not really. Am I nervous? A little. I will have to be intubated and that worries me a little. Am I worried about the loss of a breast? No! I have always found both of them to be something of an annoyance especially for any honest to goodness tomboy.
My oldest daughter's first question was concerning reconstruction. I guess that shows the difference in our priorities and age. I am not concerned about that at this point, and may never be, but for her, it is all important. Nothing wrong with that, but my concern is just getting through the surgery for now.
What does the future hold? Sounds like radiation and chemo starting in about 3-4 weeks. I'm sure that I will have to meet with an oncologist before that and have further tests done.
At this point, so much is already known and I am still trying to absorb it all, but there is still so much that is unknown and so many unanswered questions. All that I do know is that I plan on being here in 10 years when my grandson has to learn how to shave and my granddaughter goes on her first date. I also have a grandson that I have never met (family complications to be explained in another post maybe). I plan on being there when they graduate from high school and college, and when they get married, and when they have their own kids. In other words, I plan on being around to make a difference in their lives because they have made such a difference in mine.
I can't close this without telling my kids how much I love them. I know that we don't always look at things from the same viewpoint and that causes some disagreements, but I love you and want only the best for you. To my grandkids, Jakobi, Kevin, and Corvus, you are my world. You bring sunshine into my life and I am determined to be here to discover God's magic with you for many years to come.
To my friends, thank you...I am so grateful for your continuing love and support. I could not go through this without you.
To my Heavenly Father...I understand that this life is a test and that there is something that I (and maybe others) need to learn from this. Please help me to remember to always seek your purpose for this. You are my best friend and I trust You.
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